A Horse Walks Into a Bar

1 min read

Author: David Grossman

  • Me, when I was a kid, I had the most accurate scientific gauge for knowing who was popular and who wasn’t. I call it the Shoelace Gauge. Let me explain. Let’s say a group of kids is walking home from school. Walking, talking, yakking, yelling. You know—kids. One of them crouches down to tie his shoelace. Now, if the group stops right away—but I mean every single one of them, even kids who were looking the other way and didn’t see him crouch down—if they all stop where they are and wait for him, then he’s in, he’s good, he’s popular.

  • If you tell her she’s exaggerating, that it’s actually cute and attractive and pinchable and strokeable—you’re done for: you’re blind, you’re a flatterer, you’re an idiot, you don’t know the first thing about women. On the other hand, if you tell her she’s right—you’re a dead man.”

  • “By the way, Golani, d’you know how a Golanchik commits suicide?” The guy shouts back: “Jumps off his ego onto his IQ!”

  • “That’s how families are. One minute they hug you, the next they beat the crap out of you with a belt, and it’s all from love.

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