Once confined to some communities, dowry is now all pervasive in Kerala

5 min read

source

25 highlights

  • This young woman’s wedding was called off because her family did not offer to pay a dowry or make promises of showering their daughter with gold and gifts. However, dowry is a much prevalent practise across Kerala, and often the root cause of discord, leading to cases of domestic violence.

  • Dowry is given and taken in some or the other form across Kerala, and most communities practise it. According to many researchers, only Nambudhiri Brahmin communities and Syrian Christians practiced the custom of dowry till the early twentieth century.

  • Unlike these patrilineal communities, the matrilineal communities in Kerala, mostly did not practice dowry until the 1930s. Among the matrilineal community of Nairs, marriage as an institution did not exist.

  • In north Kerala, matriliny was still practised though the woman would move into her partner’s home. Here too, dowry was not part of the equation.

  • However, the Mappilla Muslims of north Kerala who were also matrilineal and matrilocal, paid dowry which was used to accommodate the ‘in marrying’ husband. (Gough 1961). Anna Lindberg, director of the Swedish South Asian Studies Network (SASNET) at Lund University who has written a lot on Kerala’s dowry systems, says that the custom spread to all communities — including Nairs and even Pulayas who did not practise dowry — after the 1950s, and the gulf boom made it worse.

  • Caste associations used to even record the transactions made (gold and cash) in order to mediate disputes later.

  • Among Christians, dowry is a deeply entrenched customary practice. There was the practice of paying a ‘tithe’ – a share of the dowry to the church — but when dowry amounts grew, people started declaring much less than they were paying; so now I believe the church has changed its rule – the church has classified families according to their economic status and demands payment according to that.

  • Muslims also pay dowry quite openly even in north Kerala

  • It is often mentioned in Kerala that dowry is more prevalent in southern districts like Thiruvananthapuram, Kollam or Kottayam, while people in northern districts don’t follow the custom.

  • According to reports, 1,096 cases of dowry-related harassment cases have been registered with the Kerala State Women’s Commission since 2010, and 80% of the total cases were from the seven southern districts including Thiruvananthapuram, Kollam, Pathanamthitta, Alappuzha, Kottayam, Idukki and Ernakulam.

  • Matchmaking is difficult when families suffer from a combination of social and economic disadvantages such as when there are no adult males in poor families and the mother is widowed in addition to which girls are also not considered attractive. It is in such circumstances that open demands for dowry are made

  • Though it is said that girls find it difficult to get a match when they lack ‘good looks’ the reality is different.

  • The denial of the practice (in north Kerala) was a cultural thing. Among most Hindus in the region, the term dowry is associated with upfront negotiations prior to agreeing upon a match which local people consider demeaning

  • It is relatively rare to give expensive gifts like cars and cash openly but they do give plenty of gold.

  • Dowry is no longer just a transaction of money, land or jewelry. It has gone through much innovation. Many families pay for the education of the groom; for example securing an MD seat for a doctor by paying lakhs is a way of giving dowry.

  • Many Christian women are not given their rightful share in their family’s properties and wealth, once they are married. So the idea is that she will be given some money, gold etc at the time of her wedding. But what happens is, this money is usually given to the groom and not the bride; he is also gifted a car, he can also sell her jewellery. This money, he uses for wedding expenses.

  • He also points out that there is a tradition of ‘Maru veedu kaanal’ after the wedding where the bride’s family visits the groom’s house with household appliances and groceries.

  • Burton Cleetus, an Assistant Professor of History at Jawaharlal Nehru University says that deaths related to dowry are just symptoms of a larger problem, and we are not addressing the real issue or its cause. He says that caste institutions, religious institutions and media are a part of crime in tragedies related to dowry.

  • When we pressurise conventional marriages, the fundamental factor in it is wealth transfer. Though we romanticise marriage, it is basically a market for this wealth transfer.

  • There are all these sayings that apply when a woman is not married: ninnu poyee, erunnu poyee, pura nirangu nilkunnu. (translates to she has stayed back).

  • The problem is that a family loses ‘status’ and ‘honour’

  • Any ‘wrong move’ can humiliate the family – this is conventional patriarchal wisdom

  • Praveena says dowry is the mainstay of endogamy

  • Caste and the belief in jati is the mainstay of endogamy and endogamy reproduces caste. Dowry underlines the importance for women to be married in a socially appropriate way otherwise their families will feel shame. It does not affect a man in the same way to be unmarried.

  • She also adds that marriage out of caste or religion is rare in Kerala and families that accept these marriages are unlikely to give or take dowry.

Graph View