11 highlights
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He wasn’t a boyfriend-type, though I must admit I was a real perfect girlfriend. On the other hand, when we did get married, I had no intentions of being anyone’s wife.
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To be honest, neither of us wanted to get married either.
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Before we were married, we would “break up” with each other regularly and repeatedly and I would always assume it was the end.
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He would usually call me in a day or two and try to set up our next date.
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I learnt something from the break-ups. Because they seemed so final to me, and because each time I would decide to end the love affair with more firmness and determination, I got to experience how I really felt with and without him.
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I found out that he expressed love differently and he experienced the loss of love differently too. I did not know that this would remain a constant in our lives. I still expect that one day we will align on these parameters.
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In our case, asking each other once again if “you will marry me” is a way of reiterating that all said and done, “I still want to marry you.”
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Sixteen years later, we continue to misunderstand each other in rather silly ways. Sometimes I say something romantic and still get very unexpected results in response. “I’m not responsible for taking care of the psychological vacuum in your head,” he said to me the other day and I was like, “Hey, hello, I was just trying to flirt with you.”
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At other times, he will try a clever trick hoping to charm me but I will jump out of my skin and deliver a lecture recounting my unhealed traumas and other childhood anecdotes.
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Like most other institutions, the template of marriage is dangerously outdated. Men, women and children want to be fuller, more flexible versions of themselves. We want to claim personal autonomy. We want our needs to be respected. Our personal growth will not be postponed interminably. It has pushed its way through the hierarchy of urgencies.
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We spend our lives looking to find our way back to the homes we are fleeing from. Once there was safety in breaking away. When we are stronger, we need closure. Reconciliation.